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If the platform and microphone will destroy me, I do not want it!

In the summer of 2015, I entered the outer perimeter of a wilderness that I had no idea the spirit of the Lord was leading me to.

Like all others, it was a Sunday morning service- or so I thought. The service began as routine; however, that morning, the Spirit of the Lord came upon me in a very unusual way.

The weightiness of His presence led me to my knees. Then, the Lord appealed to me and said, I am calling you to come lower. At that moment, I realized this was a different unction from my daily prayer of "Lord, I humble myself; I do not want to do life or ministry without you."

As the Spirit of the Lord moved upon me, He spoke to me and said, in your past seasons, when you had issues and challenges, I told you to rise above them to receive my perspective. So today, I am asking you to go lower to receive my heart in a more significant way.

As The Spirit of the Lord moved upon me, I realized my life was being re-calibrated. The Lord revealed that He was calling me to a deeper place in Him, an area of more profound humility, so He could perform a deeper purging and work in my life.

So today, I am asking you to go lower to receive my heart in a more significant way.

The Lord said there are many things I want to show you and teach you that you do not know. At that moment, an overwhelming desire flooded my heart to die more significantly to works of flesh and pride in my life. So, I began to repent of any pride in my life and humbled myself more to Father God's will.

My heart cry was for an encounter with Jesus that would change me to be more like Him. I wanted to develop a deeper relationship with Jesus and burn more for Him. As I was on my face on the floor, a cry began to rise out from the depth of my being as I wept and wept.

At that time, I was a few years into leading, preaching, and teaching at a church and ministry school where we were members. My assignments consisted of wearing many hats, with much responsibility and influence.

As the spirit of the Lord moved on me, I began to say to Jesus through my thoughts: If the platform and the microphone will destroy me, I do not want it! Take it away from me, Jesus. I want you! You are more important to me than the platform and the microphone.

As I was thinking these thoughts to Jesus, I felt I needed to speak to Him aloud. But, when I went to say these exact words to Jesus out loud, pride immediately told me, do not say that; if you say that, Jesus will take everything from you, and you will never get it back!

Immediately pride created a fear of loss inside of me. First, I feared that Jesus would strip me of everything, including my calling; then, I thought for a moment - this is crazy talk.

Then I realized the enemy of my soul was trying to keep me from giving my everything to Jesus. So, I broke through that overwhelming feeling of fear and pride and said, I want you, Jesus! You are more important to me than any ministry, career, or anything I could ever do or say. I don't ever want to lose you, Jesus. I don't ever want to lose you Holy Spirit!

I rose, confronted the deception of pride and lies of fear, and said, I do not care! If Holy Spirit reveals that ministry will destroy me, I want Jesus to take it! If the platform and microphone will destroy me, I do not want it!

I don't ever want to lose you, Jesus. I don't ever want to lose you, Holy Spirit!

I came face-to-face with my identity, knowing it was exclusively in Jesus Christ. My identity was not in the microphone, platform, title, gifts, anointing, and talents. My identity was not defined by other people's acceptance, following, or approval.

I'm solely living for the one who rescued me from the pit, saved my life when I was self-destructing, miraculously saved my marriage, delivered me, and turned my life around. I am so in love with Jesus that I never want to replace Him in any part of my life. My life entirely belongs to Jesus Christ!

I humbled myself and boldly cried out these words: Jesus if the ministry will destroy me, take it from me, take the microphone, take the platform, and take the ministry! I began to weep from my innermost being. I lowered myself physically, mentally, and emotionally; I felt I could not go low enough.

The reality is that we can get so caught up in performance-based ministries, promotions, works, and striving for titles and positions as a believer that we can base our existence for Christ Jesus and our identity on doing all the ministry works and receiving the accolades. We may not realize it. We may pat ourselves on the back and think we are meek, humble, and know our identity, but ultimately, we are deceiving others and, most of all, ourselves.

The fact is we are not called to religious works. We are called to be in a relationship with Jesus Christ, the creator of the universe. What an honor and a privilege to be chosen to love Jesus with all we are—making Him our everything within our existence.

We are created for intimacy with Jesus Christ—daily falling in love with Him with our whole hearts, souls, and bodies.

Our calling into ministry, first and foremost, is to minister to Jesus. Unfortunately, many are not taught that our first ministry is to Jesus Christ. We are taught to serve the leadership and minister to others before we are taught to serve and minister to Jesus -If we are ever taught to minister to Jesus.

The Lord reveals to Ezekiel in Chapter 44 that there are two types of ministries. First, the Lord said to Ezekiel even though the Levites strayed from the ways of the Lord -they were still ministers in His sanctuary and gatekeepers of the house. They still brought sacrifices and burnt offerings and stood before the people to minister to them. But, although they ministered, they did not have a ministry that ministered to the Lord.

This type of ministry the Lord revealed to Ezekiel was a ministry to the people about the Lord. The people knew about the Lord and ministered from knowing about Him but did not minister from the place of knowing the Lord personally and being in His presence. Jesus defined these types of people when He said, they flatter me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

The Lord reveals in Ezekiel 44:15 the second type of ministry. The Lord says, "The priests, the Levites, the sons of Zadok who kept the charge of my sanctuary when the children of Israel went astray from me, they shall come near me to minister to me. They shall come near my table to minister to me and keep my charge."

In verse 23, the Lord says, "They shall teach my people the difference between the holy and the unholy and cause them to discern between the unclean and the clean. In a controversy, they shall stand as judges and judge it according to my judgments—those who had a right heart and ministered to the Lord. The presence of the Lord resided among them, and they were given greater measures of authority, anointing, and discernment in the spirit."

The Lord reveals to us in Ezekiel 44 the two different hearts in ministry. It is through our right relationship and love for Jesus Christ that our ministry is founded on ministering to Him. Our ministry to Jesus will not serve from a place of striving, performance, compromise, and acceptance -But will minister and serve from a place of loving Jesus, ministering to Jesus, holiness, fear of the spirit of the Lord, endearment, and devotion to our Lord.

Through ministering to Jesus, we serve others. We serve through our love, obedience, abiding, and trust in Jesus. From that place, we give Jesus our yes and fulfill the Father's will and calling for our lives.

If The Lord told us to lay the mic down, step off the platform, quit the job, give up our positions, sell everything we own, shut down all our social media, remove all our titles, and serve where our peers, leaders, spheres of influence will not see or reward us, would we do it? This is where "the rubber meets the road," so to speak. What and who are we really in love with?

That day I chose to die to my calling and fall increasingly in love with Jesus. I began to pursue a greater depth of relationship with the one who called me. I decided to make my ministry about loving and ministering to Jesus Christ.

This is where "the rubber meets the road," so to speak. What and who are we really in love with?

Jesus did not remove my calling from me. Instead, what Jesus did by the power of His Holy Spirit and fire was forge my character in a greater way, purge the depths of my heart, and create a hunger to deepen my relationship with Jesus Christ.

Because I died that day to greater measures of flesh operating in my life and calling, I overcame obstacles and situations that would have tripped me up and led me down the wrong path.

I chose to die that day in a greater way and consecrate my life to Jesus Christ. I gave Jesus my everything!

I gave Jesus my yes! As a result, I came into greater measures of obedience to Father God's will for my life.

God has called us to love Him with our whole hearts, minds, and souls. He has called us to minister to Him as our King, Lord, Father, life, savior, source, audience, and everything.

In Love with Jesus,

~Tammy Brunk


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